420 ftw
You can't motorboat a personality
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
