Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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