Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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