This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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