i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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