I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
