I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
