I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
