last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
