We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
