I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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