I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
