I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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