You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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