I skipped work to stalk him.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
