I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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