im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
