I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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