I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
