I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
from now on my penis is your penis
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
