i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
