By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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