idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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