I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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