we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
