So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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