Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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