why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
