Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important