would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".