New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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