As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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