perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry