Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I did not marry a roomba.
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