White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
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OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.