I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
