the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
they're like a gay fantastic four
There's always time for handjobs
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
