Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
