she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
