I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
