Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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