she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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