my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
