I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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