I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want nice things and good sex
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
