at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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