i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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