And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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