I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
