Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
