man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
