Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
