i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
