Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
