and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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