I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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