Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
