I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
