yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The best revenge is premature balding
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
