Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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