explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
