DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
