If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
