arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
did you just send me my own nude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
