Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
