She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
