I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize