It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
