She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
