just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
