the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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