I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
