Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
