Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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