Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.

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  (410): I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night. http://tfl.nu/l8h9
  Replies (14) Good night (2143) Bad night (620)
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  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

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  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (1158) Bad night (4884)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why does Jon Cryer have a career?

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  That is a good question.

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  (860): Why does Jon Cryer have a career? (1-860): That is a good question. http://tfl.nu/v28q
  Replies (14) Good night (1338) Bad night (756)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed

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  (336): If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed http://tfl.nu/a070
  Replies (20) Good night (8354) Bad night (1509)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

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  (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw
  Replies (19) Good night (1357) Bad night (5550)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?

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  (618): was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven? http://tfl.nu/9wj5
  Replies (10) Good night (3191) Bad night (842)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors

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  (870): He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors http://tfl.nu/atyp
  Replies (6) Good night (2522) Bad night (827)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV

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  (908): Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV http://tfl.nu/9om8
  Replies (5) Good night (995) Bad night (2029)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.

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  (770): To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present. http://tfl.nu/n1ow
  Replies (8) Good night (926) Bad night (2407)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia

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  (815): Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia http://tfl.nu/lbzr
  Replies (2) Good night (1776) Bad night (824)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??

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  (785): Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail?? http://tfl.nu/azi4
  Replies (4) Good night (1414) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility

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  (207): If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you (1-207): Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility http://tfl.nu/lgaa
  Replies (1) Good night (551) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long

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  (601): Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long http://tfl.nu/yjw4
  Replies (6) Good night (513) Bad night (330)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced

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  (425): Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced http://tfl.nu/tykz
  Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED

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  (615): I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies. (931): BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED http://tfl.nu/1csz
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (171)

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