If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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