Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.

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(949): View more from California

okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?

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(705): View more from Ontario

i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(703): View more from Virginia

She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis

(1-703): View more from Virginia

Every man deserves at least one moment like that

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?

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