you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hippo gnu deer
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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