My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
