Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
