One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
